


You Got Me

by feelingofthesea



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Falling In Love, Feelings, M/M, Rituals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:33:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26665999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feelingofthesea/pseuds/feelingofthesea
Summary: As if being a prisoner in his own home wasn't already bad enough, Sirius has now memories of a past, he long thought lost, hunting him.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Xenophilius Lovegood
Comments: 39
Kudos: 26
Collections: Sing Me a Rare: UK Invasion!





	You Got Me

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Sing-Me-A-Rare: UK Invasion. Much love to [FirewhiskySoul](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FirewhiskySoul/pseuds/FirewhiskySoul), who is my comma-fairy and a wonderful friend and beta!  
> Song Prompt - You Got Me - The Kinks  
> Assignment: Story must include some sort of ritual or sex magic.
> 
> Harry Potter characters are the property of J.K. Rowling and Bloomsbury/Scholastic. No copyright infringement is intended. No profit is being made from this creation.

Today was one of the good days. 

Sirius was currently on patrol with Remus. He felt good, excitedly sniffing the air and swishing his tail. Being out as Padfoot was better than not being out at all. If he was stuck much longer in that blasted house, where everything reminded him of his crazy parents and the worldview they tried to force on everyone, he would surely go crazy. 

He and Remus were on the outskirts of Hogsmeade, headed in the direction that led away from Hogwarts. Something more crowded wasn’t in the cards, lest someone recognize Sirius, even in his Animagus form.

A hoarse laugh came from Remus as Sirius ran off the path they were on to chase a butterfly. He lost the tiny creature within moments, turned around and began to snap at Remus’ heels.

“Would you stop that Pads, we have work to do!” The laugh still present in Remus’ tone betrayed his firm words, and Sirius barked excitedly in answer.

He came to a halt mid run a second later as they came around a corner and a painfully familiar figure came into sight. 

Everything stopped - space and time, the earth rotating, his very breath - and Sirius was seventeen again. He gravitated toward something different than the Earth's magnetic field, toward someone who believed in a universe that held so much  _ more  _ than the one everyone else saw. 

He didn’t hear Remus talking to him, he only shook his head a few times. Just before he turned around to run back to the hidden apparition point, piercing ice-blue eyes met his, widening in immediate recognition. 

  
  


It had been a week since Xenophilius’ owl tapped against the window of his bedroom in the middle of the night. Sirius had identified his penmanship in a matter of seconds. A door he’d closed years ago, the one that had cracked open on that day he’d been on patrols with Remus, slammed open all the way with a loud bang. Memories he’d buried a long time ago had crashed over him and left him raw. 

Now there was a  _ girl  _ in his home. She had dirty blonde hair just like Xeno; it floated in wide, incredibly long curls around her. Luna was weird, there was no other way to put it, but she also reminded Sirius so much of the boy he once knew. Not just her appearance, her colorful floaty dresses and odd choice of jewelry, but also the dreamy look in her eyes, the way she behaved as if she saw the same different universe as her dad.

Sirius did his best to avoid her. She stirred too many emotions within him that he didn’t want to deal with. He mostly kept to himself anyway. Where the house had been too big and quiet before, stained with a past he thought he’d left behind, it was now too loud and hectic since Dumbledore declared it headquarters and Molly and her brood along with a couple of other Order members had moved in. This was exactly what Sirius imagined being a prisoner in your own home felt like. He absolutely hated it. He wasn’t a man for the inside, he needed freedom and space. 

Having been in a bad mood all day again, Sirius made his way to the room Buckbeak lived in. A scowl etched his features, a bottle of Firewhisky in hand, as a familiar mumbling threw him back in time.

_ Sirius was bored. Everything seemed to be different this year. Lily had finally given in to Prongs’ tireless attempts to date her; Remus was holed up in the library even more often than usual, and kept on lamenting that they really had to focus on their OWL’s; and Peter... well, Peter acted really strange lately, even for his standards. Sirius absolutely planned on getting to the bottom of his out of sorts behavior, just not today. Today he wanted action. He needed adventure in his life again; if nothing exciting happened soon, he might consider jumping off the Astronomy Tower. _

_ After another half of an hour in the confines of Gryffindor Tower, Sirius finally had enough. He grabbed a thick jumper and made his way out to the grounds. Winter was approaching rapidly this year and crisp cold air greeted Sirius as he strode through the gates at the entrance of the castle. He pushed his hands into the pockets of his trousers and kept walking without a definite destination. _

_ It wasn’t past curfew yet but the grounds surrounding the buildings were quiet and empty. The clear night sky stretched above him and the silhouette of the moon drenched everything in a faint light. Suddenly there was a mumbling sound from nearby, words being spoken in a rhythmic way. Sirius’ interest was piqued. This was what he has been waiting for, maybe even had been  _ longing  _ for: a mystery to be solved. _

_ Cautiously, he went in the direction the sounds were coming from. He passed the greenhouses and nearly missed it. In the shadows stood a slender figure, rapidly arranging objects on the floor and uttering these rhythmic words. His slightly too long, dirty blond hair, and the colourful, floating trousers gave him away. Xeneophilius Lovegood. Sirius hovered for a moment, debating if he wanted to get involved in whatever strange, probably unreal thing Xeno was involved in this time. In the end his curiosity won. _

_ Sirius stepped out of the shadows. “What is this all about, Lovegood?“ he asked, blunt as ever.  _

  
  


As abruptly as the memory washed over him, Sirius snapped out of it again. He shook his head a few times to get rid of that consuming feeling that still lingered. Xeno had always been knee-deep in ritual magic, and Sirius would bet that some of it could have been on the cusp of dark magic. Apparently his sweet, innocent looking fourteen year old daughter wasn’t any different. 

Fuck. Was he supposed to say anything? Just walk in there and tell her to stop? Xenophilius had practically begged him to take care of his precious girl, to keep her safe. He’d prattled on about some nonsense about the wards surrounding Sirius’ disgusting family property being so much stronger than anything he could provide. Now that this bitch of a Defense Against Dark Arts teacher, who was just another Ministry puppet, had harassed Luna because Xenophilius’ outlandish excuse of a newspaper didn’t budge down... 

Why did he agree again? Right, because Xenophilius Lovegood had been his weakness for a long time. Sirius just thought he had left it behind. 

Uncorking the Firewhisky, he took a healthy swig straight out of the bottle and walked past the door. Luna was within his wards and this was all he agreed to, not to a job as her fucking babysitter or something. 

Two days later, Sirius wasn’t convinced he’d made the right decision anymore. He’d been lying awake at night tossing countless memories of his Hogwarts days around his head.

_ “I know you are behind those trees, Sirius. I could use a hand.“ _

_ Said hands were shoved deep into the pockets of his trousers as Sirius slowly made his way around the tree trunk. If someone asked him why he’d followed Xenophilius after dinner, he wouldn’t have any answer. Lovegood stood in the middle of strange looking signs that had been scratched into the dry earth, with a bubbling cauldron in front of him. The books scattered around his feet looked ancient. Xenophilius pointed at one of them. _

_ “Could you check this one for me please?“ _

_ Guardedly, Sirius took a step towards the pile in question. The steam that wavered from whatever Xeno was brewing made him feel dizzy.  _

_ “Do I need to add river grass or moon shine first?” the blonde asked. _

_ Sirius' gaze fell on an unlabeled bottle in between the countless objects that littered their surroundings.  _

_ “Please tell me you don’t plan to add alcohol to this, Lovegood.” He gestured widely towards the cauldron.  _

_ Xenophilius fidgeted with the chains that hung around his neck, the jingling sound nearly swallowed his answer. “Well it is my best shot. I didn’t want to wait until the full moon, so…” His voice trailed off and Sirius couldn’t hold back a barking laugh. _

_ “Just because they call it moonshine doesn’t mean it’s interchangeable, Xeno.” _

_ Xenophilius persisted, stating that he had already put so much effort into this potion. Sirius eventually just shrugged and followed his friend’s lead. This was more fun than keeping Moony company in the library, after all.  _

_ Of course it didn’t work out. and at some point, everything exploded. The pressure caused the two of them to tumble over backwards. Sirius erupted in laughter, and after a painfully disappointed expression crossed Xenophilius’ face, he joined in.  _

_ They’d settled for drinking Xeno’s moonshine instead of using it for some ritual, and in the meantime, the Ravenclaw was excitedly gushing about ritual magic. Sirius grew quieter by the minute. His relationship with ancient magic was torn. It often bore dark aspects and there was no way he wanted to be involved in something his mother would approve of.  _

_ He’d been lying awake forever that night after he made it back to the dorm and finally came to the conclusion that he needed to just stay away from Xenophilius completely.  _

_ It didn’t work. _

Groaning, Sirius threw his pillow across his sparsely lit room. Was it too bloody much to ask to have a decent night of sleep that wasn’t haunted by some part of his rather depressing past? 

Giving up on sleep entirely, for now at least, Sirius slipped his dressing robes on and made his way to the kitchen, memories still vivid in his mind.

  
  


_ Sirius finally gave up on avoiding Xeno one fateful evening at the beginning of December. He was bored out of his mind again, and after contemplating over and over, he grabbed his robes and scarf and made his way to the grounds. A smile stretched his lips as a familiar figure in the usual spot came in sight. _

  
  


_ It was freezing cold. Sirius adjusted his gloves for the umpteenth time. He soon found himself kneeling on the hard ground cutting leaves, cursing under his breath as he asked himself why he was here. To no surprise at all, he didn’t find an answer. _

  
  


_ “Come on Sirius! This is going to be huge, I think I finally managed to translate everything. I just need a partner.” _

_ Sirius gnawed on his lower lip. “I don’t know Lovegood, what is this ritual even really about?” _

_ A faint blush bloomed on Xenophilius cheeks and he fidgeted with the chains that dripped down from his neck. _

_ “There is a part that… uhm… requires a certain intimacy - ”  _

  
  


Sirius slammed the kettle onto the stove. No, he wasn’t going down this road again. Absolutely not. He swirled his wand to turn the gas on. Fuck, he should have never agreed to let that girl live here in the first place. It apparently was enough that she brought all these memories back; no, she also made him feel  _ responsible  _ for her.

He drew his hand down his face and slumped down onto a nearby chair. A sigh escaped his lips as steps echoed down the hallway. The kettle whistled right as Luna walked into the room.

“Hello, Sirius.” It was as if her voice drifted through the space around her, airy and laced with the everpresent dreaminess. 

“Hello, Luna.” His voice sounded defeated and deprived of all energy in comparison. 

“It seems you suffer from a very intense nargle infection. My dad always says you need another person to help you with that. You need to be intimate with this person, and preferably have sex. Do you have someone to help you with this?”

She twisted a loose curl around her finger, her huge eyes focusing a point somewhere above his shoulder. Sirius wasn’t even sure if she expected an answer and he was certainly not discussing sex with the fourteen year old daughter of the man who kissed him a lifetime ago to get rid of a  _ nasty nargle infection _ , whatever that was.

“Do you want some tea, Luna?” Sirius rose to grab two cups and pour the tea. 

“Tea would be lovely.”

  
  


_ Sirius wandered through the castle without a definite destination. The feeling that this was going to be a lonely year at Hogwarts, a feeling that had been haunting him during the first few weeks back at school, proved to be right. Of course, James was a good friend and was always available if Sirius needed him, but honestly James had waited so long for Evans to notice him, Sirius didn’t want to interrupt their time together. One could only spend so much time in the library though if they weren’t Moony. Peter was still being avoidant and hard to find. So now here he was, pacing abandoned corridors. What he actually wanted to do was to join Xenophilius and whatever insane thing he was working on today. _

_ It was like a bad smoking habit he couldn’t escape, except worse. Thoughts of the eccentric boy kept him up at night, ice blue eyes invaded his dreams, and in moments like this, he felt a pull towards the blonde wizard in his chest, right where his heart was. Slumping down in a nearby alcove, a sigh escaped Sirius’ lips. _

_ He couldn’t recall when it had happened, but somehow Xenophilius had become an irreplaceable constant in his life. Not being a morning person at all, Sirius started his day with a smile if he met Xeno during breakfast in the Great Hall. The way his lips curled in disdain when Sirius called him Xeno made sure that Sirius wouldn’t ever stop using it. Teasing him was just too much fun. After spending a lot of time assisting the other boy with his countless rituals, potions, or whatever ridiculous project he came up with next, Sirius had to admit that they were actually  _ interesting _ and if followed through correctly, might even make sense, or could have an effect. It took him some time, but he eventually saw that Xenophilius was so much more than just the weird boy everyone else saw. _

_ “I thought that was you ducking in here. You have a lot of nargles following you. You should probably get rid of them, they cloud your thoughts, you know?“ _

_ The Gryffindor barked out a laugh as Xenophilius lowered himself on the bench next to Sirius. Nargles! Hell, he even missed this stupid pratling about nargles if he didn’t see Xeno for a few days. _

_ “And how do you suggest I best do this?“  _

_ The corner of Sirius' mouth was lifted in a provoking smirk, but his breath caught in his throat as his gaze met Xeno’s. Xenophilius; eyes were dark, but his expression changed rapidly from determination to hesitation. He gulped visibly and Sirius felt as if his tongue was suddenly stuck to the roof of his mouth. _

_ “The best way to get rid of nargles is physical intimacy. Sex, but I guess kissing is also an option.“  _

_ Xenophilius' voice was only a hoarse whisper. Sirius had never in his life felt so insecure as in that moment when Xeno’s gaze flickered down to his lips.  _

_ What the fuck was he about to do?  _

_ He desperately sucked in a lungful of air before he reached out and roughly grasped Xenophilius’ neck, crashing his lips onto the other boy’s. A pleasured sigh filled the air around them, but Sirius wasn’t sure if it was his or not. He was lost in the feeling of how Xeno’s lips moved against his. A gentle hand found the hair at the base of his neck and he involuntarily pressed their bodies closer together – _

  
  


Physically shaking his head, Sirius willed the past away once more to fix a cup of tea for himself and Luna. They sat in silence for quite some time, steam trailing from the two cups. Sirius focused on not letting his thoughts wander again, but he royally failed as soon as Luna excused herself. All the heavy emotion he thought had died with the war and everything that followed burst to the surface again.

  
  


_ “There is a part that… uhm… requires a certain intimacy…” _

_ Sirius lifted an eyebrow. “Are we talking the same kind of intimacy required to get rid of nargles?“  _

_ The blush on Xenophilius’ cheeks deepend. Sirius watched as he opened his mouth and closed it again, before he cast his gaze to the floor. _

_ “Just spit it out Lovegood, I might be down for it…“  _

_ Some awkward stuttering from Xenophilius later, they agreed on meeting at their usual spot near the Forbidden Forest that evening. Had he been more confident, Sirius wouldn’t have questioned what made him agree to something this drastic. This fucking ritual definitely required more than kissing, that much was certain, he mused as he followed the path that led from the castle. _

_ It didn’t take long before Xenophilius came into sight; he had what looked like a million candles spread out around him. It seemed like they followed some kind of pattern but it was more than unfamiliar to Sirius. He slowed down with every step he took and as he finally stood in front of Xeno, he had his hands pushed deep into his pockets to keep his fingers from nervously twitching.  _

_ Sirius was greeted with a genuine smile as Xeophilius motioned for him to sit next to him. _

_ “Okay, let me explain this. Have you ever heard of thestrals?“  _

_ Sirius nodded, not sure where this was going.  _

_ “Well then you probably also know that you can only see them if you’ve witnessed someone die.“  _

_ Sirius nodded again.  _

_ “I found this book and it explores a lot of different ways to make people see thestrals differently. Most of them are crazy, really. But one stuck with me. There is this guy, I forgot his name, but he experimented with a lot of death related things to achieve the sight you need to see these creatures. It also happened that his wife was French.“ _

_ Xenophilius blushed again and Sirius wondered why on earth it was important that this woman was French. Clearing his throat Xeno continued. _

_ “In French an orgasm is called ‘la petite mort. So, the thing is, this guy claimed after having an orgasm on the day that marks the new moon, near a thestral herd with only the night sky above him, he could see them! The most important part though is that the pleasure comes from another person.“ _

_ If it wasn’t wasn’t for Xenophilius’ honest excitement Sirius would have burst out laughing. This whole thing sounded so ridiculous. They just sat there for a few moments in awkward silence before Sirius groaned internally.  _

_ Fuck it all, what could go wrong? Who was he trying to convince that he hadn’t thought about having sex with Xeno, anyway? Might as well really do it and make him happy at the same time. Sirius turned towards Xenophilius who was nervously fidgeting with his chains again. _

_ “Alright Lovegood, let’s do this.“ _

_ Wide eyes met his and before he could overthink it again, Sirius gently pillowed Xeno’s lips. The feeling was still as exhilarating as last time and any remaining doubts he’d had faded away. He reached for the hem of Xenophilius’ shirt and let one of his hands wander beneath it. The blonde wizard briefly tensed before he melted into Sirius' touch and let his own hands move more boldly. It didn’t take long before the two of them had most of their clothes discarded around them.  _

_ Giving in had never felt so good. Sirius traced Xeno’s surprisingly defined abdomen with his tongue, groaning as Xenophilius buried his hands in Sirius' hair. The blonde’s hard cock suddenly pressed into Sirius' chest. His skin was on fire and his own cock rubbed painfully against his briefs.  _

_ The pale hands in his dark hair pulled him up again. Xenophilius’ lips captured his own in a searing kiss at the same time the other boy reached down and wrapped one of his hands around Sirius’ cock. They shared a moan and Sirius struggled to get rid of Xeno’s shorts. Frantic movements dominated their coupling, sensation taking over everything and there wasn’t a single thought on Sirius’ mind anymore as Xenophilius slowly stroked him. Lost in each other, they climbed higher and higher and higher and when Sirius finally came, a silent cry on his lips, he felt as if fireworks had erupted behind his eyes. _

Breathless even years later, just from the memory of this night, Sirius scrubbed his hands over his face. Of course neither of them could see the thestrals after, though Xeno insisted they had just done something wrong and they had to try it again. Sirius had laughed loudly and offered his assistance with a smirk before he parted with Xeno at the base of Gryffindor tower after a lingering kiss. 

Their time together hadn’t lasted long. The war loomed over everybody and the next thing Sirius knew was his trip to Azkaban. They’d never even talked about what they were to each other. What felt like a lifetime in Azkaban cast a shadow over this teenaged romance, but the last few weeks proved that the pull he’d always felt towards Xenophilius was as strong as ever. 

Drawing his dressing robes closer around his body on his way back to his room, Sirius decided that the next time Xenophilius came to visit Luna, he would invite him to stay as well. Running from these feelings previously hadn’t worked out at all, clearly. Even after all this time, apparently the man still affected his sleep schedule, as well as his sanity. Sirius knew he would feel so much more at ease with the assurance that Xeno was safe. Perhaps it was time to confront the past.

  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
